We often get a little tongue-tied when we find out that friends or family are in the middle of an unpleasant situation.  Hearing that their world has been turned upside down with tragic or devastating news or circumstances can leave any of us at a loss for words, the right words.

Robyn Stoller, creator of CancerHAWK, a blog that brings information and resources to cancer patients and to their caregivers, addresses this topic in her article below.  Thank you, Robyn, for cheerfully sharing your insights with us!



The Top 5 Most Ridiculous Things People Say and Do

By Robyn Stoller

Republished by permission

from CancerHAWK


I absolutely believe that most people have the best of intentions.  But let’s face reality; it can be extremely difficult to find the “right” thing to say at times.  So I really have tried not to judge anyone for anything they might have said OR didn’t say in terms of Alan’s cancer.


With that said, I must share some of the most ridiculous but well-intended things people have said to me over the course of the past year.


“Top 5 Most Ridiculous Things People Say & Do…”


#5.   Asking “How are YOU doing”? (with a OMG, poor-you, “mookie” face)  It makes me want to cry just thinking about this.



#4.  Looking at my ring finger mid-conversation to see if I’m still wearing my wedding band.  I wear Alan’s wedding ring around my neck, close to my heart.  But it’s too hard for me to wear my wedding ring.  But since I couldn’t took take the obvious ‘ ring-finger stares’, I went out and bought myself a nice ring to wear on my left ring finger… and people can assume whatever they want.



#3.  Trying to engage me in a conversation about dating and second marriages.  Who says I’m even interested in this?  My closest friends don’t even talk about this with me. Again well-intended but candidly, it’s inappropriate and uncomfortable.



#2.   Telling me that “G-d needs Alan more than we do.”  Really?! Could someone actually believe that? Because the G-d I know and love is not selfish.  I don’t believe G-d needed Alan more than his wife and 3 young children. The G-d I know is loving & compassionate & wants only good things for people.



#1.   And the all time most ridiculous thing someone said to me was “Everything happens for a reason.”  Really?! Did you actually just tell me that my 47 year old husband died for a reason?  Are you saying that 3 innocent children are going to grow up without their incredible father for a reason?  What could that reason be?